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M Simone Boyd

How NOT to Talk to Guys

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Image | David Wygant

I had a problem when I was single. I didn’t know how to talk to guys. I know what you are thinking. “Simone, you are the farthest thing from shy?! What was your problem?”When it came to guys that I thought I might like…I had a bad habit of ignoring them. I got all nervous, and couldn’t think straight, and couldn’t make coherent sentences.

In other words, I lost all sense of normalcy. So, I resorted to ignoring them in an effort to keep from saying something completely stupid.Here is a typical conversation that I might have had with a guy that I have no interest in what so ever.

Conversation A
Simone: Good Morning, Titus! How are you?
Guy A: Good, Simone, how are you?

Simone: Well, thank you. Did you have a good weekend?
Guy A: I did, but I didn’t do much watched the game, hung out with some friends, and went running. That’s about it.

Simone: Sounds like you had a good weekend! I went running too, but the heat made it pretty tough. I’m going to try and run earlier next weekend. Are you training for anything?
Guy A: Yes, the Marine Corp Marathon. I’ve run it a couple of years in a row.

Simone: Whoa! That’s awesome. I dream about doing a marathon one day, but I’m not there yet. Congratulations on setting that tremendous physical goal, Titus. It was good to talk to you. Have a good day!
Guy A: You too, Simone. See you later.

Now, for the conversation with the guy that I thought I might like…but I had no idea because I’ve never had a decent conversation with him.

Conversation B
Guy B: Hi Simone! How are you?
Simone: Well, thank you.

Guy B: Did you have a good weekend?
Simone: Yes, thank you.

Guy B: Oh, what did you do?
Simone: Nothing much, just hung around.

Guy B: Well, that sounds nice. Have a good day, Simone
Simone: Thanks.

Why on Earth did I do this?

Things worked out in the end, and I wound up with my dream man. But, it turns out I’m not the only one with this problem.

If you too get a case of the heebie jeebies when it comes to talking to guys… try these 3 tips:

  • Smile: It turns out that guys almost never approach girls that look mean or unapproachable.
  • Don’t Jump the Gun: Aim for having a short friendly conversation, and avoid the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out what your future children will look like. It’s simply too much pressure.
  •  Compliment Him: All God’s children like compliments. No matter how confident a man looks on the outside, he still needs to know he’s enough. And, compliments are a great way to kick off a conversation.
    It might seem a little scary at first, but you got this! Question: What other ways can single women let guys know they are interested? 

Tax Help for Single Girls (Update)

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Image | USA Today

Yehuda Fishkind, a Certified Financial Analyst, came to my job a few years ago to conduct a Financial Planning Seminar for new hires. At the beginning of the seminar, he explained that he was Jewish and that he was here to talk to us about money…so we should listen up.

No argument on my part. After several intense hours of pouring over different retirement plans we took a break for lunch. So, I seized the opportunity to get some one-on-one coaching for my tax situation.

You see, I’ve lived in both Tennessee and Texas where the folks down there have the good sense not to have a state income tax. And, I never realized before what a difference not having a state income tax can make to the take home pay. I explained all this to Yehuda.

Yehuda: Are you investing the maximum pre-tax amount in your 401K?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Are you taking the deductions for your student loan interest?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Do you contribute to the Health Savings Account?
Simone: Yep

Yehuda: Hmmmm, You should get married.

I can’t remember how I responded to that, but I do remember thinking “Seriously, is that the best advice you can give a single girl?”

The Dating Intervention (Update)

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Image | recovery.org

A few years ago my dear friend and colleague, Marie, came to my office. I could tell by the way her eye brows were furrowed that she meant business. She edits my work too. So, my first thought was “Lord, what have I done now?”

She sat down and began with the usual pleasantries. “How are you? What are your plans for the weekend, etc. etc.” I explained (nonchalantly) that I was going to run, hang out with some friends, see a musical…the usual.

And then the boot dropped. Marie was here to stage an intervention for my dating life.

“Simone, do you even want to meet a guy? I mean, have you even asked God where you can meet guys? I mean to date…not to evangelize. Seriously, he’s not going to show up on your door step wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I’m the one.’ Simone, I don’t think you are taking this stuff seriously because if you were…you would be trying to make yourself available. Its going to take two years you know. One to date and a year to be engaged. Have you thought about that? I doubt it. Because clearly, you’d be frustrated if you had!”

People, I cannot make this stuff up.

So, after an hour of “counseling.” We agreed that I would make better decisions on how I spent my time. The goal was to make myself more available to meeting guys.

As a good faith effort, I decided to go to a fireworks display that Saturday night, rather than a musical. Let’s face it there wouldn’t be any eligible bachelor’s at Mama Mia .

However, I didn’t tell Marie that I spent Friday night…in my apartment…reading a book until 4:30 a.m. That would have landed me another tongue lashing.

Thank God for Marie, though. Being available is a big part of the dating game. And, she knew what she was talking about too, because less than two years later…I was hitched.

(Video) Finding Mr. Right

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I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic of being the right person, because often our main objective is focused on the finding Mr. Right. But, being the right person is the essence of what can make our relationships sink or swim. And, I want your relationships to swim. So, I’m sharing this video today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXJe7tsgZqM

“Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” That’s what Leland Foster Wood said in his book,Growing Together in Family. 

My friend, Katharine, sent me a talk given by Andy Stanley. He breaks down the right person myth in a funny way, and captures the essence of being the right person beautifully.

It’s 29-minutes. I know, what you are thinking: “Simone, I don’t have that kinda time! I. am. busy.” I get it. I get it, but this is sound advice and I think it is worth your time. Will you watch it? I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Rerun: 28 Days and Counting

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As I mentioned last week, for the month of July we’ll be taking a walk down memory lane to where this blog all started. Four years ago my younger brother had the audacity to get married before me and the single Simone was a little worried. 
Isaac & Simone

My brother, Isaac, is getting married in 28 days. I am more than excited for him. But, I am less than enthusiastic for myself. You see, Isaac is 25. I am 28. He is getting married before me, and that presents a conundrum. Why you say? Because, I will have to face all of our family, all of our friends, and all their questions.You know the questions I’m referring to. The one’s that come with raised eyebrows and feigned courtesy. You look great, Simone, how are you doing? Translation: You aren’t ugly, Simone, why aren’t you married? Ahhhh!

What’s a single girl to do? How do I explain that I am content? I LOVE my, family, job, apartment, friends, church, and all around life. How do I explain that when I wake up in the morning I thank God for another day that I get to live in this FANTASTIC city? Why does it have to boil down to this one future guy that I hope to meet in the near or distant future?

Yes. One day I do want to be married. Yes. I do want to have 4-6 kids. No. I am not delusional. I know that if I want to have that many kids I’ll have to start sooner rather than later. And No. I’m not one of those Sex in the City gals that thinks having a great career, wearing high heels to walk 20 blocks, and sleeping around is the life. I’m just not in a hurry. Can that be okay?