Blog - Page 10 of 15 - M Simone Boyd

How to Dig Your Marital Grave in the Quickest Possible Way

September 23, 2013 // by Simone// 2 Comments

I opened the refrigerator door last week to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.

The bags of vegetables were identical.

Both bags were clearly labeled: KEEP FROZEN.

Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.

This was a major problem. And, I was furious.

Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame.

Why had our Trader Joe’s Country Potatoes with Haricots Verts & Wild Mushrooms been carelessly moved to the refrigerator?

Each bag cost $2.99. ( A total of $6.49 with tax).

Didn’t I always say “waste not, want not?”

This was clearly wasting. And, hungry children across the globe could have feasted for a week on $6.49.

I thought about calling Morris at work to inquire about the reason for leaving frozen vegetables in the refrigerator. But, I decided against it.

Thankfully.

On the way to work, I was saved by the words of Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People. In Part Six of his book, Carnegie describes the great tragedy of Abraham Lincoln’s life – his marriage. For almost a quarter century, Mrs. Lincoln nagged and harassed the life out of him.

She was always complaining, always criticizing her husband; nothing about him was ever right. He was stoop-shouldered, he walked awkwardly and lifted his feet straight up and down like an Indian. She complained that there was no spring in his step, no grace in his movement; and she mimicked his gait. She didn’t like the way his huge ears stood out at right angles. She even told him that his nose wasn’t straight, and on, and on, and on. Did all this nagging and scolding and raging change Lincoln? In one way, yes. It certainly changed his attitude toward her. It made him regret his unfortunate marriage, and it made him avoid her presence as much as possible. While a circuit attorney, he remained out on the circuit for three months in the spring and three months in autumn. Other attorneys managed to return home for the weekends, but Lincoln dreaded to go home. So, he didn’t. Such are the results that Mrs. Lincoln obtained by nagging.

The aforementioned chapter is entitled, How to Dig Your Marital Grave in the Quickest Possible Way.

And after reading it, I decided that $6.49 and two bags of frozen vegetables were not worth nagging about.

By the way, there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for the vegetables to be in the refrigerator: Morris was thawing them to eat for breakfast the following morning.

The Cinco Plant

September 11, 2013 // by Simone// Leave a Comment

“If you take me out of this watering bucket, I will bite you”

It was a hot sticky August day.

And, my brother Isaac was watering his plants.

I guess he had been outside too long, because my nephew Cinco climbed into the watering bucket.

To me, the look on his face says “If you take me out of this bucket, I will bite you.”

Tips for Strength in Marriage

September 8, 2013 // by Simone// Leave a Comment

When you get married/engaged, a lot of people will give you advice – some good and some bad. In my opinion, this is the best marriage advice Morris and I have received to date and we keep it posted on the refrigerator.

A Kind Rejection

September 1, 2013 // by Simone// Leave a Comment

Last week, I received a kind rejection note from one of the magazines that I submitted an article to. Although, I was a wee bit disappointed that I was rejected…the editor was gracious enough to respond in three days and give me constructive criticism.(Typically, editors respond in three months…if they choose to respond.)

My previous two submissions were met with complete silence, and I am thrilled to hear back from someone. So, for me, getting a response is 1) progress and 2) encouraging.

I’ve been on a quest to escape my boring job for 18 months. And after repeating the grueling process of informational interviews, submitting applications, following up, and interviewing for umpteen times. I’ve decided to give up the non-profit job search and refocus my efforts on writing. You know that question that interviewers ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I would always think “Honey, I plan to be on a book tour for my first novel by then.”

But, I would always say “I would like to stay with the organization as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial.” Because you can’t tell an organization that counsels people or educates children that you want to write a novel that tells stories of families conquering life together. Typically, writing novels does not fit into their respective strategic plans.

So, I’ve decided to write with the same fervor that I gave the job search and we’ll see what happens. I don’t know where this writing journey will take me, but I do know one thing- persistence is the key to being successful.
Morris and I studied persistence last week in 12 Traits of the Greats, and it says that “great achievers often achieve great things simply because they refuse to give up. They don’t retreat in the face of setbacks. They don’t shirk in the face of disappointment, and they don’t quiver in the face of delay.”

In my own family, my brother, Isaac, is the model of persistence. He has been relentless in his pursuit of a degree in sociology. Despite setbacks, discouragements, and having to balance being a husband, father, and having a full-time job…he graduated this year. And now, he has been asked to present his Senior Thesis at a sociology conference. I’ll be leaning on Isaac for advice heavily as I pursue this book tour dream, and reminding myself of Winston Churchill’s speech “Never Give In“.

Photo from My Black Piano

I know that you too are pursuing goals and dreams. So, let’s stick with it and keep me updated on your progress…and I’ll write about your journey and we’ll get to the finish line together. Lauzi, a Chinese philosopher, said that “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” So, we might as well get to steppin‘.

A Face of Courage: Antoinette Tuff

August 24, 2013 // by Simone// 3 Comments

Last week, Morris and I studied courage. In the series, The 12 Traits of the Greats courage is defined as the mental or moral strength to venture. 12 Traits explains that courage is more about action than forethought and that success is simply the action of getting of the bleachers and getting involved.

Antoinette Tuff
Photo from Gwinnett Daily Post

That’s what Antoinette Tuff did this week when she persuaded a would-be murderer at an elementary school to put down his AK-47 and surrender to the police. She got involved.

Ms. Tuff didn’t wait for others to get involved. She didn’t wait to see what was going to happen. She didn’t analyze the perils of getting involved. She just went with the wisdom of Nike and just did it.

And, because of her courage untold lives were saved.

12 Traits says that when you force yourself to do the opposite of what your natural tendencies are telling you to do, and when you turn toward fear instead of away from it, your fear shrinks.

After hearing the story of Ms. Tuff, I decided to start marketing my writing again and shrinking my fears. You see, I had a couple of story ideas rejected in the past year…and it takes some time for me to bounce back. So, I haven’t submitted any articles to publishers in weeks. But, hearing Ms. Tuff’s story inspired me and gave me courage – I submitted three stories this week to newspapers and magazines.

Other folks in my family are shrinking their fears too. My brother, Izo, is leaving his job at a mortgage company this week to pursue his dream of being a producer- with no job prospects in sight. And my brother, Zaiah, has a tryout with a developmental team for the NBA in early September. I’ll keep you posted on our progress.

Courage has many faces, and here are a three that inspire me:

Sir Winston Churchill
Photo from Wikipedia

Tank Man in Tiananman Square

Photo by Charlie Cole

Cesar Chavez

Photo from Wikipedia

What face of courage has inspired you?

Guest Post: On the Road to Nineveh and Getting to Destiny

August 15, 2013 // by Simone// 1 Comment

Obie, My Nephew Cinco, and Me

My life has been interesting from the start. I was born at home and delivered by my father. I weighed 11 lbs and 12 ounces. Needless to say, I was a huge baby. While growing up, I always seemed like the “special one” out of the rest of my siblings. And when I say “special” I mean; they thought I was mentally challenged!I didn’t talk until I was age five. And, I was confused about my race. I know, special right?

But, going into my highschool days there started to be a sense of normality, or so I thought. I was a typical teenager whose mind was not focused on school but rather on hanging with girls and playing Nintendo games. This was the “I can’t” era of my life.

If there was something that was challenging, I always went to the mindset “I can’t”. It started with school, but overflowed into my everyday life. I started to see that I couldn’t complete simple tasks. It was to the point where my mom and older sister, S.B., were ready to whisk me off to military school.

My junior year, my father gave me an ultimatum. Either I could quit soccer which I loved and play basketball which I despised or I could not play sports at all. I had played soccer since I was four. Soccer was a love and a passion. If I had continued playing soccer and my father had not heard the Lord, and more importantly acted on it- there is no telling where my life would have gone. In high school, I was standing at a stout 5’7, and I am currently standing a lean 6’9. Needless, to say my dreams to play professional soccer would have been short lived. This is why God established families, and designed them to have a father.

Fast forward, I started off at a community college with my older brother, Izo. He helped guide me through the process of how to survive college life and how to get things accomplished. Not only did that set a precedent on how to handle situations, but it also taught me to work hard and keep a cool head through adversity. Which are some of the key reasons why I have succeeded. When my brother left, graduated and moved on to the next step the Lord had for him…I lost my strength. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, it says two are better than one. And without strength, I fell into despair. I was on an island surrounded by a sea of adversities. And many I swam through, but you only can stay afloat so long by yourself.

To give you a visual on how the direction of my life was going I compare it with the story of Jonah and the whale. My father, while I was young, heard the Lord and spoke my life into a purposed destiny, but like Jonah I strayed away from what I know I was suppose to be doing. I decided to go my own way, and just like the story of Jonah I spent a good a bit of time in the belly of the whale. For me it wasn’t a whale, but I was alone surrounded in a sea of uncertainty.

I still had family, but instead of reaching out I tried to do everything on my own. And, I relied on my own resources. In the end, I quickly sank to the ocean floor weighed down by struggles and I had no idea of where to go. During my sea of uncertainty God took my broken life, fixed it, and he blessed me with a beautiful baby boy.

My Beautiful Boy

This baby boy, honestly, brought me back to the light. I knew the road I was going down was that of destruction. But to see my son be born, and with his eyes open and hands in the praying position… my heart melted. And on March 23, 2013, I knew I had to get back on track. So, the Lord allowed me a second chance to fulfill my destiny. I’m not quite to Nineveh yet, but I’m on the road…. and I know it will be a beautiful journey.

Getting to Destiny-
Zaiah

The Know It All

August 6, 2013 // by Simone// 4 Comments

I became one them y’all. Yes, the dreaded know it all. I was sitting at my desk last week, and decided to review my first blog, Countdown 2 My Brother’s Wedding. It was fun to go back and read what my single self thought about being single. And, then I noticed that I was content being single, and most of the commentators were content being single.

The problem was the know it alls that inserted themselves in my life and were always pushing me to get married, start a family, find somebody, etc. etc.

Well, I became that Know It All.

I was having dinner with a lovely friend, and I casually mentioned “So, are you dating anyone?”

“No,” she said.

“Well, don’t you worry. God, has someone really awesome for you! I just know it,” I said.

“Perhaps, God doesn’t. Some people are called to singleness, like the apostle Paul,” She said.

And, I thought hmmmm… maybe. But you, you are pretty and smart, and kind…surely there is someone out there for you. And, then I began to run down the list of all the eligible bachelors that we know and ask whether or not each and everyone was a suitable match.

How dreadful of me?!?! I had done exactly what I previously complained about, and inserted myself into her life.

Sadly, my lovely friend is not alone. My long-suffering siblings have to put up with my know-it-all self sometimes too. I shared a couple of months ago about my younger brother that failed to follow the plans I had for his life. He is doing amazingly well, and has written a guest post for next week.

It just goes to show you, I do not Know It All.

How to Ask Your Hubby for Help

July 30, 2013 // by Simone// Leave a Comment

Photo from Hello Beautiful

I’ve hit the jackpot twice. First, when I was born into my family. And second, when Morris, my husband, asked me to marry him. Being raised in a loving, family of eight children has taught me about people, how families operate, and how to overcome the challenges that life brings every day. I’ve also learned from being married for 15 months.

And, my friends often ask me, “What should I look for in a husband?” “How is married life?” and “What advice do you have?”

And, I said to myself “Self, what if you could help your friends and others avoid your mistakes?” I did not answer myself, because that would just be crazy. But I hope you, as the reader, will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.

I recently learned how to ask my husband for help.

I found that it is different from asking my brothers for assistance. Asking my brothers for help was more like telling them to do something. And, Morris was having none of that.

A few months ago, I mentioned to Morris that we had a friend’s barbecue to attend. Admittedly, I did not give him much advance notice, the affair was an hour and ten minutes away, and he had never met these friends. But, he was getting barbecue out of the deal!

And, I could not figure out why I was getting the “almost silent treatment.” The “almost silent treatment” consists of one-word responses, shrugs, and grunts. Finally, I figured it out. I had taken away his time, and Morris was grumpy.We talked about it, and I learned from that experience.

And, this spring…I got the asking right.
While sitting at our monthly budget meeting, I broached the subject of spring cleaning. I was a bit timid at first. “Hey, honey, you know there is a lot of work to be done around here…have you seen how dirty those base boards are? We are going to have to do some serious spring cleaning.”

After a bit of back and forth, Morris agreed to block off a Saturday for the benefit of cleanliness and order in our home. Success!

Because I’m Baptist, I’ll give you three tips on how to ask
your hubby for help:

CONSIDER HIS PLANS

Show him that you are not selfish. Ask if he has plans.

ASK EARLY, AND REMIND HIM

The bigger the task, the more time he needs to mentally prepare. I asked three married/engaged guys about this subject, and all of them said the same thing. “Ask early, and remind me.”

DO NOT CONVEY A SENSE OF URGENCY IF IT IS NOT URGENT

As women, we often like to do things now, simply because we’re thinking about it. But, things don’t always have to be done right now. Let’s not confuse the important with the urgent. So, when there is an urgent need…our men will run to the rescue.

Financial Peace

July 26, 2013 // by Simone// Leave a Comment

“75 Percent of the marriages that end in divorce, end because of finances.” That’s what our Deacon told us during one of our premarital counseling. And, it made me think…”if Morris and I could get on the same page with regards to finances, we could avoid a lot of headache and drama down the road.”

So, we enrolled in a class at our church called Financial Peace University. The course was two hours a week for 12-weeks, and it was grueling. There were chapters to read, budgets to balance, conversations to have, etc. But, at the end of the course…we understood more about each other, how we view money, and how we hope to raise our children.

You see, Morris never had to go without anything as a child. Money for him, is simply a resource. I, on the other hand, view money as security.

Growing up in a family of eight children, made me believe money was always elusive. It always seemed that we never had enough. We frequently ate beans and rice, and rice and beans. And, I can remember having our electricity cut off a few times. But, my mother always tried to make it fun for us. We would light candles and “campout” in the living room. It is hard to raise a family of ten on $30,000, but my parents did it and still managed to give generously to others.

Morris and I plan to give generously also. But, right now we are focused on paying off our student loans (although we do give to our church). Since we began the Financial Peace plan in January of 2012, we have paid off $48,000 worth of debt. We have $5,532.20 to go until we are debt-free, and it is exciting that we will soon reach our goal. But, I’m more excited that being on the same page with money has brought us so much closer together.

Matthew 6:21 says that “where your treasure is there will your heart be also.” And, both of hearts are in the same place- using money to build toward the future. And not, spending it on the latest gadgets, trends, or status symbols.

So, tell me. How do you view money and why?

ps: Four of our friends/family have taken the class, and one couple is already debt-free. Go Team Watkins! You can read about their road to financial freedom here

A Family Reunion

July 18, 2013 // by Simone// 2 Comments

A few week’s ago we had a family reunion for my dad’s side of the family. It turned out great, but it was a rough road to get there. You see, my dad and his siblings don’t have parents anymore. My grandfather died in July of last year. And, he hadn’t been in the ground 6 hours before the fighting began among the siblings.

So, we, the grandchildren, staged a coup de ta.

We sat down and had a VERY long talk about how their sibling squabbling was affecting us as grandchildren/children. It wasn’t pretty. And, we realized that even we (the grandchildren) had some stuff to work out amongst ourselves.

But, the end result was good. Our parents agreed to let us take over the family reunion this year. They agreed not to talk negatively about each other… to each other. And, they agreed that we have to stay close even though their parents, our grandparents, are gone.

Our family is mending, and we had a great family reunion. Lots of good food, games, rest, a trip to see the Motown Revue, and a black bear stopped by for a visit. Thankfully, he didn’t stay too long.