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| When you get married/engaged, a lot of people will give you advice – some good and some bad. In my opinion, this is the best marriage advice Morris and I have received to date and we keep it posted on the refrigerator. |
Marriage
How to Ask Your Hubby for Help
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| Photo from Hello Beautiful |
I’ve hit the jackpot twice. First, when I was born into my family. And second, when Morris, my husband, asked me to marry him. Being raised in a loving, family of eight children has taught me about people, how families operate, and how to overcome the challenges that life brings every day. I’ve also learned from being married for 15 months.
And, my friends often ask me, “What should I look for in a husband?” “How is married life?” and “What advice do you have?”
And, I said to myself “Self, what if you could help your friends and others avoid your mistakes?” I did not answer myself, because that would just be crazy. But I hope you, as the reader, will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.
I recently learned how to ask my husband for help.
I found that it is different from asking my brothers for assistance. Asking my brothers for help was more like telling them to do something. And, Morris was having none of that.
A few months ago, I mentioned to Morris that we had a friend’s barbecue to attend. Admittedly, I did not give him much advance notice, the affair was an hour and ten minutes away, and he had never met these friends. But, he was getting barbecue out of the deal!
And, I could not figure out why I was getting the “almost silent treatment.” The “almost silent treatment” consists of one-word responses, shrugs, and grunts. Finally, I figured it out. I had taken away his time, and Morris was grumpy.We talked about it, and I learned from that experience.
And, this spring…I got the asking right.
While sitting at our monthly budget meeting, I broached the subject of spring cleaning. I was a bit timid at first. “Hey, honey, you know there is a lot of work to be done around here…have you seen how dirty those base boards are? We are going to have to do some serious spring cleaning.”
After a bit of back and forth, Morris agreed to block off a Saturday for the benefit of cleanliness and order in our home. Success!
Because I’m Baptist, I’ll give you three tips on how to ask
your hubby for help:
CONSIDER HIS PLANS
Show him that you are not selfish. Ask if he has plans.
- ASK EARLY, AND REMIND HIM
The bigger the task, the more time he needs to mentally prepare. I asked three married/engaged guys about this subject, and all of them said the same thing. “Ask early, and remind me.”
- DO NOT CONVEY A SENSE OF URGENCY IF IT IS NOT URGENT
As women, we often like to do things now, simply because we’re thinking about it. But, things don’t always have to be done right now. Let’s not confuse the important with the urgent. So, when there is an urgent need…our men will run to the rescue.
Financial Peace
“75 Percent of the marriages that end in divorce, end because of finances.” That’s what our Deacon told us during one of our premarital counseling. And, it made me think…”if Morris and I could get on the same page with regards to finances, we could avoid a lot of headache and drama down the road.”
So, we enrolled in a class at our church called Financial Peace University. The course was two hours a week for 12-weeks, and it was grueling. There were chapters to read, budgets to balance, conversations to have, etc. But, at the end of the course…we understood more about each other, how we view money, and how we hope to raise our children.
You see, Morris never had to go without anything as a child. Money for him, is simply a resource. I, on the other hand, view money as security.
Growing up in a family of eight children, made me believe money was always elusive. It always seemed that we never had enough. We frequently ate beans and rice, and rice and beans. And, I can remember having our electricity cut off a few times. But, my mother always tried to make it fun for us. We would light candles and “campout” in the living room. It is hard to raise a family of ten on $30,000, but my parents did it and still managed to give generously to others.
Morris and I plan to give generously also. But, right now we are focused on paying off our student loans (although we do give to our church). Since we began the Financial Peace plan in January of 2012, we have paid off $48,000 worth of debt. We have $5,532.20 to go until we are debt-free, and it is exciting that we will soon reach our goal. But, I’m more excited that being on the same page with money has brought us so much closer together.
Matthew 6:21 says that “where your treasure is there will your heart be also.” And, both of hearts are in the same place- using money to build toward the future. And not, spending it on the latest gadgets, trends, or status symbols.
So, tell me. How do you view money and why?
ps: Four of our friends/family have taken the class, and one couple is already debt-free. Go Team Watkins! You can read about their road to financial freedom here
Good Riddance Sallie Mae
Last week, Morris and I made my last student loan payment. And then, we had a dance party! Paying off that debt is the realization of a dream for me, because the $43,807.49 I owed Sallie Mae seemed insurmountable four years ago. But now, that mountain is behind me.
Our First Thanksgiving
A Turkey Named Thursday
Morris and I picked out our Thanksgiving bird today. I named him Thursday, and he will be the crown jewel of our 1st Thanksgiving meal as a married couple. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, because it includes my favorite things: family, food, and fun.
At home, my mother cooks the turkey, stuffing, macaroni & cheese, and the pecan pies. My dad and I make the yeast rolls. Isaac and Rebekah make the mashed potatoes and banana bread. Israel makes the Sock-It-To-Me-Cake (a recipe that is four generations old). Immanuel makes rice crispy treats. Michaela, Miriam, and Issachar make cookies and cakes. Honey Baked makes the ham. And, I can’t remember what Isaiah makes. But, you get the idea…everyone contributes something to the meal.
It’ll be tough to be away from my family for Thanksgiving. But, Morris and I still plan to have a feast. Our planned menu includes: Candied Yams, Green Beans, Kale, Yeast Rolls, Macaroni and Cheese, Stuffing, and Apple Pie. We are going to wait and see how everything turns out before inviting guests.
Why Japan?
Morris and I were often asked this question before, during, and after our honeymoon to Japan. There are two reasons. First, Morris’ sister used to send him Japanese baseball cards when he was in middle school, and he always hoped to see the country. Second, my sisters and I spent one Christmas holiday watching the entire Karate Kid trilogy, and I thought “it sure would be nice to see the land of Mr. Miyagi.” Below are five of my favorite photos from Japan and the video that Morris made of our trip. Enjoy!
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| Us at the Edo-Tokyo Museum |
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| Tsuiki Fish Market Safety Briefing |
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| Tsuiki Fish Market…Can you believe that is a Tuna? |
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| Kinkaku-ji (The Temple of the (solid) Gold Pavilion) |
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| The Bamboo Forest |
*I lost two pounds this week. Woot! Woot!*
Getting Married, Gaining Weight
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| Image from Fitness Magazine |
In the past two months, two separate colleagues inquired about whether or not I continue to run. (The answer is no. I have switched to pilates, kickboxing, and spinning.) Now, I didn’t think much about the first inquiry. But, the second inquiry was about a week later and I had noticed that my clothes seemed to be shrinking.
One morning I was feeling brave and stepped onto the scale. It was confirmed. I had gained weight. Eight pounds in the mere six months that Morris and I have been married.
I place most of the blame with Morris. He likes to eat dinner…every night. We have even taken up menu planning as a weekend activity. In my pre- married days, I rarely ate dinner. Breakfast consisted of a banana or an apple. Followed by a mid-morning snack of almonds, and a big lunch of gluten-free pasta and carrots. Dinner usually consisted of a salad or green tea or popcorn, but never all three, and often I skipped all three to gain an extra hour of sleep.
That has all changed. Morris eats four square meals a day, and in my zeal to be a good wife I have followed suit. Unfortunately, I have paid for it in pounds. I have been trying to lose the pounds for four weeks to no avail. So, I googled “getting married, gaining weight” and found a wealth of tips for weight loss. Everyone from WebMD to USA Today have commented on the phenomenon. So, it is comforting to know that I am not alone. One tip said to blog about your weight loss goal. So, here I be.
I have no plans to turn this into a weight loss blog, but I will add one sentence at the end of each post to keep you up to date and to keep me honest. Thank you for your support. My goal is to lose eight pounds by Thanksgiving day.
Jury Duty and the Home Wrecker
My maternal grandfather (not the grandfather I lived with for two years), cheated on my grandmother throughout their entire marriage. His indiscretions led to him fathering two children. I was two years old when my grandmother passed away, but his mistake colored my perspective of cheating spouses forever.
I loathe cheaters. As a Christian, I ought not loathe anyone. However, whenever a cheating scandal is alive and well in the media. I can’t help but think that the cheater is being maligned accordingly. In my view, Kobe Bryant deserved to be prosecuted, President Clinton deserved impeachment, and Tiger Woods had it comin’. I could continue.
My disgust for cheaters reared its ugly head while I served on Jury Duty too.
A gentleman on my panel, flirted openly with a lady juror. He was wearing a wedding band, and she was not. She whispered in his ear, he would laugh, and I would shoot them dirty looks. I even discussed my problem with Morris and explained that the gentleman and the “raggedy home-wrecker” came to jury duty together and spent all of our down time fawning over each other. Morris forbade me to confront the couple, but said that I could continue to give them the stink eye.
I was partially obedient. I gave them dirty looks, and sat uncomfortably close to the couple. My plan worked. The lady sat farther away, and at least they could not hold hands. I felt triumphant, because on my final day of jury duty there was no public display of affection between the two.
At the end of the trial, we had to pick a foreman. The gentleman declined to be foreman, because his wife was serving on the jury.
WHAT?!?!
Yes, the gentleman and the lady I described as the “raggedy home-wrecker” are married.
Lesson Learned: Don’t jump to conclusions, Simone.
Question: Has jumping to conclusions ever made you look ridiculous? Looking for a friend.
Boy Marries Girl
Phillip made this video with our wedding photos. We hope you enjoy it! You can view all 445 of our wedding photos here.