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M Simone Boyd

Relationships

A Model Mother

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If you have been following this blog for the past 19 months, you’ve meet 8 of my 12 family members.

My Family Fantastic

You’ve met my husband, dad, 4 of my 5 brothers, 1 of 2 sisters, and both my cute nephews. You have not read about my mom (Elizabeth), youngest sister (Shannel), or my fourth brother (Manny).

Let’s start with Elizabeth, because she is a model mother. My mother (a former Paris runway model) has lead quite an interesting life. She was chosen as one of a handful of students to integrate her school in 1964.  She then went on to become the first black homecoming queen of her university. Post-college Elizabeth went on to conquer the fashion world in Paris, Milan, and New York City.

Elizabeth in NYC Circa 1978

But then my dad (ever the salesman) convinced my mom to marry him and move down south. Elizabeth had  plans to be a fashion buyer for one of the local department stores, but then I arrived.

And, before I knew it…I had seven siblings and my family seemed quite strange in comparison to others.

Elizabeth home schooled most of us. Opted to have home births administered by midwives. Grew a lot of our food in the back yard. Eliminated the use of microwaves as a health precaution, and didn’t allow us to watch TV during the week. Looking back I can see that the tough decisions my mother made, shaped me and my siblings for the better. But, the strangeness of my family did not go unnoticed by our relatives.

As a result, most of our holidays were spent with just our clan. But, there is an upside to being isolated from extended family…me, my siblings, and my parents are a close-knit bunch.

I am especially close to my mother. Even though, I am married and live 700 miles away…we talk almost everyday. Whenever I go home for an extended period of time, my mother always finds time in her schedule to make my two favorite meals: spaghetti and fried fish. Because my mother is generous, kind, and enthusiastic. In fact, I can always tell when one of my siblings had a particularly challenging athletic event the evening before. Because she always sounds like an eighty-year old chain smoker when she loses her voice the day after.


Sometimes, however, my mother’s enthusiasm can get the best of her. I often tell her haste makes waste. Cut once measure twice. But, I think at this point she is just used to having 9 people depend on her. So, whenever she can get ahead of the game she aims to do so.

One such opportunity reared its head at Thanksgiving a few years ago, before I married Morris.

 

The Lifetime Wedding Planner

Thanksgiving is HUGE in my house, and it is the holiday that everyone tries to make it home for. We had all gathered around the table and were preparing to say the blessing, when my mother announced that she had a gift for me. My little sister ran to get the gift bag and handed it to me with a beaming smile.

The lovely gift bag held a beautiful book that my mother purchased on sale…The Lifetime Wedding Planner. It was complete with budgets, bows, envelopes and everything one needs to plan the perfect wedding. One minor problem. I wasn’t even dating anyone…and haven’t for several years. My five brothers erupted in laughter. And I, I wanted to crawl under a rock.Boy, did she get ahead of the game.

But, that book turned out to be quite handy when Morris and I got married last year.

I guess that’s what makes Elizabeth a model mother, because she thinks ahead and plans for what will be…not what is.

 

Overcoming Fear

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Google says that fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Fear can also be paralyzing i.e. the fear of doing “something” is often worse than actually doing the thing you fear.

But, I overcame one of my fears last week–networking.

The idea of networking makes me nervous. Because it conjures up visions of a whole bunch of folks buzzing around, pretending to be interested in one another, exchanging business cards, and making promises to e-mail and “do lunch.”

I have successfully avoided networking for the past five years, but since I am seeking to change career fields it seems that the time has come for me to overcome this fear.

The training event that I attended last week had networking written all over it. So, I set out with the goal of meeting 3 people.

“Just 3 people, SB, you can do this. Just meet 3 people.” I gave myself a pre-training pep talk. But, when I arrived at the conference all the courage I had summoned–evaporated.

I must have looked pretty pitiful too; because Steve, from the EPA, offered to help me find my way to the registration table. My anxiety eased a little because I had not even entered the building and I had already met one person.

But, then I entered the building. And, all I could see were throngs of people that all knew each other and knew where they were going and there I was by myself…and I felt like an outsider. So, I checked in at registration and regrouped. I skipped breakfast, and went to the opening session early. So, that I could sit in solitude and not face all the networkers eating breakfast together with all of their bestest friends.

However, someone sat beside me. I said good morning and we started to talk. It turns out that Jeff is the president of a local university. So, I began to feel a bit better because I had met two people and the first session had not even started.

By the end of the event, I had met nine people. Three times my goal!

And, I learned something about myself. I realized that I am uncomfortable walking up to a stranger and introducing myself. However, if I sit next to a stranger…I can talk to my new best friend all day. I think the key for me is the one-on-one interaction.

But, it made me think…what other people and opportunities have I missed because of fear?

Don’t get me wrong though. Some fear can be good. For example, the fear of being poor makes me work really hard, budget, and save. The fear of being unhealthy makes me eat 7 to 9 fruit and vegetables a day and go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. And, the fear of God makes me want to live a life that is pleasing to Him. So, when it is time for me to go…I am ready.

Fear can be a good thing because it pushes us. Or fear can be a bad thing because it holds  us back.

What fears do you have that push you or hold you back?

Isaac and the 42

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Isaac, my first brother, and I got off to a rough start before he was even born. When asked if I was excited about being a big sister, I informed people that I intended to throw him in the trash as soon as he was born. You see, I had four glorious years of being an only child before Isaac made his grand entrance into the world on August 1st.  Please note that Isaac even had the audacity to steal my birth month.

Isaac and Me on his first day home

But, as time went on my sentiments changed and I began to love and even defend the little guy. Once, when my brother was playing in a basketball tournament and a guy from the opposing team fouled, in my opinion, a little roughly. I ran out onto the court, tackled the offender, and proceeded to inform him that if he laid another hand on my brother I would smack his face.

The poor 12-year-old didn’t know what hit him. I was 16ish at the time and probably should have known better, but I simply could not tolerate my brother being knocked around. I have matured since then, and I no longer threaten to smack people.

My brother Isaac has matured also. He is a wonderful father to Isaac V, husband to Rebekah, and a budding actor. He was an extra in the movie 42, that opens this weekend. The 42 is backed on the life of Jackie Robinson, the first black american to play in American Major League Baseball.

But, this is not Isaac’s first acting gig.  At 5, he was featured in Beary Bear’s Bedtime Bible Stories. The video series was filmed for several weeks, and Isaac was paid $10 dollars per hour, which amounted to a small fortune in the early 90’s. I can’t help, but think Isaac’s role in the 42 is a sign of his big future ahead. Isaac graduates from college in May, and I am excited about what is ahead for him.

Isaac IV and his son, Isaac V

 

 

Being Fit

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Being fit is easiest when you have a partner. Someone that pushes you, keeps you accountable, and makes you go the extra mile.

A few years ago, I made a friend at a pilates class in my neighborhood. We started training for the Army 10-Miler together, and I was in the best shape of my life. My friend, R, ran cross country in college. So, I was a bit scared to run with her. But, R was patient and my mile time went from 12 minutes and 30 seconds to 9 minutes and 25 seconds for a mid-distance run. That’s what a good partner will do…make you better.

Michaela, R, and Me at the Army 10-Miler

But, being fit is not limited to physical fitness. Being fit, includes all aspects of our lives: spiritual, mental, financial, and the list continues.

A few days ago, my blog buddy called me to break some bad news. “Your blog is getting sorry,” he said.  Those were not his exact words, but that was the message that was communicated. “I know, I know,” I mumbled as I began to sink in my chair.

I knew my content had not been strong lately, but I didn’t think anyone had noticed. So, I rested my forehead on my desk and settled in for my verbal flogging. My blog buddy explained that the content had been a bit random lately and that I needed to re-focus on the intent of the blog. At the end of the conversation, I thanked him the sound advice and told him that I loved him. My blog buddy is my younger brother, Israel.

Issachar and Israel

I would describe Israel as the most confident of all of my siblings and a bit of a know-it-all. But, he is also generous and he likes to share the wisdom he has amassed in all his 25 years of living. He is so generous, in fact, that he once gave dating advice to his boss.

Nevertheless, I am proud of him. Israel earned his Masters in public affairs last year, is working full-time, paid cash for a 2010 Nissan Maxima, and worked his way through college by playing Division I basketball. So, despite not knowing it all…he is pretty smart. And, it was nice to get advice from my younger brother, because as the oldest child I feel like I am always giving advice.

Do you have partner/friend that makes you better? Or a sibling that gives you sage advice? If so, sound off in the comments and I’ll write about the person that makes you better.

Being Busy

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Being busy is almost a status symbol in this city. And, it can be argued that busy people are important people. I once fell into that line of thinking.

My days once started at 4:00 a.m. with medium length runs of 5-8 miles. During the week days, these runs were followed by a day of work, social outings with friends 2-3 nights a week in the evening, and trying to get to bed by 8:30ish. During the weekends, my long runs were followed by community service or church. At one time, I was working with six non-profits in the city–writing, tutoring, organizing, donating, mentoring, fundraising and whatever else I could do to fill up my time.

I think I latched onto this life style of being busy for two reasons. First, there was a lot of stuff I wanted to do before getting married i.e. learning to cook, being in the best shape of my life, and managing my finances well. Second, I wanted to experience everything city life had to offer and that kept me busy. Here is a page out of my October 2009 agenda:

But, in early 2011 a friend gave me a life-changing book entitled Next Generation Leader. The first chapter “You Are Doing Too Much” was a wake-up call. The chapter explains that the less you do, the more you accomplish and that the secret of concentration is elimination.

I got it! By cramming every free minute with activity, I was giving up the valuable time I needed to focus on my purpose for being on earth. So, I began dropping things. I gave the hospital a year notice that I would not be writing for their publication anymore. I gave the community college a semester notice that I would not be tutoring. I turned down a role in the women’s ministry at church, and I decided that I would be intentional in intertwining my commitments with my purpose. And, I’m doing better.

A year and a half of dropping things is paying dividends. I feel less pressure, I have time to sit and think, I no longer feel perpetually tired, and I no longer have the nagging feeling like I am always on a deadline. But, most importantly, I feel like I am working towards my purpose in life–to help rebuild families…beginning with my own.

The Text Message

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The text message read: “Family, Conference call tonight at 8:30 p.m. Please call in.”

 My heart sank, and I felt uneasy. I knew it was going to be bad news.

This brother had NEVER set up a conference call before…so it could only be bad news. At the end of the conference call the news had been revealed: He was going to be a dad in March.

He is my third brother and the most gentle and kind of them all. In a house of ten, he usually waits to eat last.  He laughs a lot and loves to dance. And my friends describe him as approachable, even though he is 6 feet 8 inches tall. He is two months away from college graduation, and had plans to play basketball overseas. He has no career. No money and no way of supporting a child.

I have grappled with this bad news for weeks. At first, I was livid. How could he be so foolish? How could he shame our family like this? Second, I was sad. Because this is not how I envisioned my brother’s life going. I had hoped he would graduate, go overseas, play basketball, make a lot of money, come back to the United States, get married, start a family, and be the bestest and coolest middle school history teacher ever.

I know that sounds crazy…you can’t plan someone else’s life.

But, I realized something today. I have plans for all of my siblings lives. Not detailed plans, but hopes for them. I want them to excel and do well in life. I want one of my sisters  to be the best women’s basketball player ever and I want my other sister to achieve her dream of being an architect. I want my first brother to have a job that he loves and make a lot of money, I want my second brother to be an award-winning broadcast journalist, I want my fourth brother to finish school, focus, and find out his purpose in life, and I want my fifth brother to graduate from high school and play division I basketball and not talk to girls so much for the fear that he’ll end up like my third brother.

My third brother has started a family, and his son will be he in a few weeks. And, I am proud of the strength and courage he has exhibited. He wants the baby to live with him, and he is seeking custody. He is more focused and determined than I have ever seen him. He is working on the weekends, he is on the track team, studying in the early mornings and late at night, and attending classes during the day.

The arrival of my new nephew is quickly approaching. Even though, he wasn’t in my plan for my brother’s life…I take comfort in knowing that God’s plan for my brother’s life is much better than mine.   My hope now is to be a loving aunt and supportive sister.

2013 Goals

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I like to begin the year by setting new goals. I set my goals based on the person I hope to become. For example, I hope to be a good wife and one of my goals is to play a sport with Phillip. I also want to win a Pulitzer Prize and two of my goals involve writing. I like to think of each year as a step toward living an extraordinary life.

2013 Goals
1. Complete One Bible Study with Phillip
2. Post 52 Blog Entries this Year
3. Lose 4 Pounds
4. Play a Sport with Phillip
5. Write 2 Letters per Week
6. Publish a Paid Article
7. Write 50,000 words
 

However, there seems to be a trend that is down on goal setting/new year’s resolutions. After talking with a few friends, the sentiment seems to be that setting goals is setting yourself up for disappointment.
 

But, I disagree. A goal missed, is better than a goal never set. There are lessons to be learned in goal setting. I set a goal to have two hundred blog followers last year. I failed. This year, my goal is to post 52 blog entries. 
 

I learned that I have to set goals based on my input, not an expected output. 

So, if you are reading this blog perhaps we can help each other. If you are anti-new year’s resolutions, perhaps you can help me see the folly in my logic. If you are pro-new year’s resolutions, perhaps we can help keep each other on task. 
 
What’d ya say?

Me & My Dad

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My Dad and I are more alike than I care to admit.  And, as I get older I realize our similarities are something for which I should be grateful. I’m getting there.

For the past ten years, our relationship has been a bit strained because my dad is adjusting to having adult children. But, last week I saw my dad in a new light.

I went to home for the 20th anniversary of the Family Foundation Fund. The Family Foundation Fund is a non-profit my dad started to mentor boys from fatherless homes. 63 boys have been mentored. But, the Foundation is much more than a mentoring program. There is an organic farm to provide produce for the families the program serves, tuition is paid for the boys to go to private Christian schools, tutoring is provided, counseling and support is given to the mothers, and the boys are matched with a Christian man that sticks with them until they graduate from high school. In short, the Foundation is a Family for young men.

Last week, I realized my dad has dedicated his life to serving others. It takes determination to stick with a program like this for 20 years. There have been times when the families have faced tragedy. And times, when there was no money for tuition. And times, when the boys have been kicked out of school for misbehaving.  But, my dad is determined.

We have had boys come to live with us when their home-life became turbulent.  My dad has picked up prescriptions late at night. And, he has visited hospitals because no one else cared…because he is caring and compassionate.

Whether you are a multi-millionaire calling for advice or a man dying of HIV. My dad will be there and he will listen and he will pray for you, because he is genuinely concerned with the lives of others. I hope when I reach my dad’s age, I can look back over my life and know that I made a difference.

The Pursuit of Excellence

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I have read The Pursuit of Excellence two or three times now, and every time I read it I learn something new. The book discusses goal setting, the importance of mistakes, the perils of the status quo, and being creative.

I have been setting goals consistently for five years. I set my goals in January, in June and July I evaluate my progress and/or adjust my goals. November and December are generally crunch time. And, crunch time is where I am now. My 2012 goals are:

1. Eliminate Debt                                                                                                                                             At one point, I paid $360 per month in interest to Sallie Mae. Sallie Mae and I are not friends. Morris and I paid off $28,000 of debt this year, and we will make my final student loan payment this month.

2. Finish Rosetta Stone Spanish                                                                                                              This goal changed to Finish Thank You Notes for Wedding Gifts and Get a New Job. Our friends are incredibly generous and kind. I know that etiquette says your have a year following your wedding to send Thank You Notes. However, I want thank folks as soon as possible. I have 28 more Thank You Notes left. I do not have a new job, yet.

3. 200 Blog Followers                                                                                                                               I did not meet this goal. However, I would like to thank Adrian, Angel, Byron, Diann, Jordan, Heather, Monica, Michaela, Nan, Quinn, and Rachel for following this blog. I am grateful for your support.

4. Get Married to the Man of my Dreams                                                                                     Done.
(Btw, I set this goal after we got engaged last year)
5. Make Jesus Famous                                                                                                                        

This is a hard goal to quantify. But, I try to accomplish it by living a life that will be pleasing to Jesus. This year I visited someone in the hospital that I didn’t know. I wrote letters to friends and family members when they were hurting or to simply tell them that I loved them. I gave money away. I texted and called people just to tell them I was thinking of them. I watered my neighbor’s garden, although I’ve never met him personally. Six of our friends joined our church this year.

6. See Japan   Done.


* I lost 4 pounds of the 8 pounds that I planned to lose before Thanksgiving.*