Waiting

Now, Issachar is the youngest and his life is a cake walk, in my opinion. I washed dishes at 7. He didn’t have to wash dishes until he was 10. And even now, he gets to use the dishwasher for FREE. I had to pay a dollar to use the dishwasher when I growing up. Crazy, right?!?! I know. (My dad made that rule up…more on him later). He still doesn’t have to wash his own clothes. To the best of my recollection, I began this chore at 10. And, he gets to watch TV during the week! Which is absurd, because I could only watch TV on the weekends.

It’s easy to see that Issachar lives like a king.

But I adore and love the little kid, and I try to make it home at least once every three months to hang out with him and my younger sisters. I haven’t lived in the state for almost five years now, and I don’t want to miss their growing up.

On one of my trips home Issachar told me that he wanted to talk. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eyes. “Simone,” he says “I am tired of being the youngest, and I am ready to be an uncle. When are you going to get engaged?”

Darn tootin’… even the baby boy is holding my feet to the fire!

Now, for the good stuff! Here are the things that we should do.

1. listen.
2. dress appropriately.
3. take compliments.
4. smile.
5. flirt.
6. MAKE SOME DECISIONS.
7. ask about his family.
8. ask if he has eaten lunch or dinner.
9. invite him somewhere he wants to be, like a basketball game.
10. tell him about a movie you would like to see and buy the tickets online before you get there.
11. look at his strengths and see if they could help with your weaknesses and vice versa.
12. make us feel important.
13. pay attention to details…the smallest thing sometimes can be the most important.
14. have a good connection with his mom…that goes very far…whenever she likes you it is a plus.
15. always be yourself.
16. be proactive in the relationship, but not forward, include him in activities with your friends.
17. offer advice on generic areas of his life where he could use help, but don’t be critical.
18. try to compromise.
19. be honest and humble (in the sense that you don’t know everything).
20. dress classy. you cannot have on a mini skirt and try to be a wife. i cannot take you anywhere and you can not meet my family.
21. be understanding when I don’t answer the phone. maybe i want to take a nap.
22. be cultured, know things.
23. be approachable (its hard for us to make a move). if you have a look on your face like “boy, get on somewhere.” it doesn’t help.
24. make us feel like we are undiscovered michael jordans’, when in reality we have no hand or foot coordination.
25. (in short ladies, we should build them up. not tear them down.)

Girls, the chaps chimed in to give us advice on things a girl should not say to a guy that she likes. Admittedly, I did not collect this advice in a scientific manner. I just sent out a mass text message. However, the advice is practical and they are the guys. So, I think it would be wise if we listened. Tomorrow, we get to hear the things that we should do!

1. compare him to your past relationship. ( 7 guys said this! )
2. take advice from single friends.
3. talk about his mother or say what she told him isn’t true.
4. harp too much on things you don’t like about yourself (or him).
5. assume that because he’s nice to you that he likes you (ouch!).
6. but on a facade, be yourself.
7. compare your mother’s cooking to his mother’s.
8. make fun of his dance moves or singing, that is a low blow to a guy and it takes courage for him to get out there.
9. say give me the remote when the ball game or Sports Center is on (but isn’t Sports Center always on?).
10. criticize/joke about your families until you’ve shared enough stories that it becomes “a thing” between you.
11. make fun of his shoes, car, or dog.
12. question his relationships with his friends or family until you are in a relationship.
13. overstate how interested you are in something to build relationship (i.e. I love that! I’m really interested in talking about that soon! That is so great! Thank you for doing that!). If you really like something, a little extra enthusiasm is nice. But pretending that you are interested in something that you are not is almost a form of leading someone on. Because if they care, they’ll change their behavior to adjust (well said).

My mother (a former Paris runway model) is amazing! She is happy and content to be a mother, wife, and non-profit administrator. We are pretty close too! We talk almost everyday. Whenever I go home for an extended period of time, my mother always finds time in her schedule to make my two favorite meals: spaghetti and fried fish.

She is also enthusiastic, kind, and generous. In fact, I can always tell when one of my siblings had a particularly challenging athletic event the evening before. Because she always sounds like an eighty-year old chain smoker when she looses her voice the day after.

I admire her a lot, and hope that I can be just as good a mother one day.

Sometimes, however, my mother’s enthusiasm can get the best of her. I often tell her haste makes waste. Cut once measure twice. But, I think at this point she is just used to having 9 people depend on her. So, whenever she can get ahead of the game she aims to do so.

One such opportunity reared its head at Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. Thanksgiving is HUGE in my house, and it is the holiday that everyone trys to make it home for. We had all gathered around the table and were preparing to say the blessing, when my mother announced that she had a gift for me. My little sister ran to get the gift bag and handed it to me with a beaming smile.

The lovely gift bag held a beautiful book that my mother purchased on sale…365 Days to the Perfect Wedding (or something of that nature). It was complete with budgets, bows, envelopes and everything one needs to plan the perfect wedding. One problem. I’m not even dating anyone…and haven’t for several years. My five brothers erupted in laughter. And I, I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Boy, did she get ahead of the game.

Late last week my dear friend and colleague, Faye, came to my office. I could tell by the way her eye brows were furrowed that she meant business. Faye edits my work too. So, my first thought was “Lord, what have I done now?”

She sat down and began with the usual pleasantries. “How are you? What are your plans for the weekend, How is your family back home  etc. etc.” I explained (nonchalantly) that I was going to run, hang out with some friends, see a musical, that my family was doing well…the usual.

And then the boot dropped. Faye was here to stage an intervention for my dating life. “Simone, do you even want to meet a guy? I mean, have you even asked God where you can meet guys? I mean to date…not to evangelize. Seriously, he’s not going to show up on your door step wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I’m the one.’ Simone, I don’t think you are taking this stuff seriously because if you were…you would be trying to make yourself available. Its going to take two years you know. One to date and a year to be engaged. Have you thought about that? I doubt it. Because clearly, you’d be frustrated if you had.”

People, I cannot make this stuff up.

So, after an hour of “counseling.” We agreed that I would make better decisions on how I spend my time. The goal is to make myself more available to meeting guys.

As a good faith effort, I decided to go to a fireworks display on Saturday night, rather than a musical. Let’s face it there wouldn’t be any eligible bachelor’s at a musical.

However, I didn’t tell Faye that I spent Friday night…in my apartment…reading a book until 4:30 a.m. Now, that’s my idea of a good time!

My brother, Isaac, is getting married in 28 days. I am more than excited for him. But, I am less than enthusiastic for myself. You see, Isaac is 25. I am 28. He is getting married before me, and that puts me in a tight spot. Why you might  ask? Because, I will have to face all of our family, all of our friends, and all their questions.

You know the questions I’m referring to. The one’s that come with raised eyebrows and feigned courtesy. You look great, Simone, how are you doing? Translation: You aren’t ugly, Simone, why aren’t you married? Ahhhh!

What’s a single girl to do? How do I explain that I am content? I LOVE my, family, job, apartment, friends, church, and all around life. How do I explain that when I wake up in the morning I thank God for another day that I get to live in this FANTASTIC city? Why does it have to boil down to this one future guy that I hope to meet in the near or distant future?

Yes. One day I do want to be married. Yes. I do want to have 4-6 kids. No. I am not delusional. I know that if I want to have that many kids I’ll have to start sooner rather than later. And No. I’m not one of those Sex in the City gals that thinks having a great career, wearing high heels to walk 20 blocks, and sleeping around is the life. I’m just not in a hurry. Can that be okay?